Sunday, 14 April 2013

My Fantasy Celebrity BFF

            I've moved a few times in the past five years and I've got friends all over. None of them live where I'm staying right now during my job search and I'm missing them terribly! When I was messaging a friend on Facebook the other day, I mentioned that I was missing my social life and imagining celebrity BFFs (best friends forever) who would love me if we just could meet. To be clear, I could never replace my actual friends with anyone, male or female. But from time to time, I discover a celebrity with whom I feel a certain kinship.
            Actually, I'd love to have my own Paris Hilton type BFF reality show. I know we've talked about my wish to have a new version of "The Bachelorette" with people who aren't lame and boring, but this is a much better idea. I would start with ten celebrities and each week we'd do all sorts of best friend activities (of my choosing, of course!). Maybe one week we would go to Clay Cafe and paint piggy banks. Another week we'd go to my favourite bar in Toronto- Crocodile Rock- and see who could get "Jook Gal" played for me first. There would be a big twist at the end where the final two contestants would both be my new BFFs and then we'd get a TV contract for our very own sitcom. You know you'd watch the crap out of that.
            But first, you should know that narrowing down this list to just ten celebrities was a daunting task. There are so many great people who could make this list, but I think I've got a pretty fine group here. The series premiere would be freakin' amazing. We'd get Alex Trebek to host because he would announce little interesting facts through the episode and this would be my "in" for "Celebrity Jeopardy," which I would rule as long as they didn't put me up against James Franco or Natalie Portman or something (those two smartypants did not make the list, but not for any specific reason). Without further ado, here's the list of celebrity BFFs in no specific order (you know, assuming they agree to be on the show and I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be on the show). You can click on their names and see what I consider to be their audition- it was all I needed to see to know they were right for my BFF show!
Lovely Ladies
            I missed her once she left "The Office" and just discovered "The Mindy Project" last week. I watched every episode within a few days and couldn't get enough. Her character is saucy, funny, and a mess. Mindy has mad comedic writing skills. We could write our own sitcom if she wins and save so much on hiring other writers who would be way less funny than she and I put together. We would hire amazing actors and have hilarious adventures.
            She steals the screen with her amazing comedic talents in Bridesmaids, but it was the trailer for Pitch Perfect which really made me realize how perfect she and I would be together. The accent is killer too- and anyone who knows me knows I love a good accent. And she has mad flow. I'm pretty sure we could be the new Salt-N-Pepa- and we'd be even more awesome than she and Ellen because we'd go with "Push It."
            Filthy and hilarious. She says things that make me giggle and worry that if there was a hell that I'd be going there. Of course, she'd be there too so we could hang out. She taught me one of life's more important lessons: you don't need two reasons when doody is involved. We would say inappropriate things that make my mom roll her eyes and exclaim both my first and middle names. Plus, she could show me the fountain of youth because that woman is gorgeous.
            The woman is a food goddess. I'd make her confess how she eats such rich, delicious foods and keeps such a trim figure. We'd cook together and raid the fridge after everyone else is in bed. I don't know so much about her comedic timing, so if she wins we would consider doing a cooking show instead. (In the video linked to her name, she makes a chocolate cloud cake- I made my own at Easter and it is delicious! You should definitely make this!)
            I love that there is an adjective that was created just for her: adorkable. And she is. We both have bangs and blue eyes. She could help me find that perfect polka dot skirt. We would make up funny songs together while wearing matching flannel pajamas. We'd talk about kissing Will Ferrell and how she is definitely the hottest Deschanel sister even though I love "Bones." And I know she knows all about me. In the second season episode of "New Girl" entitled "Katie," her character says, "Katie knows how the sausage gets made" and "Katie's got some pretty dark needs." She already knows me.
Genial Gentlemen
            He was the first name that came to mind when I started this list. It might be because I've watched about a thousand episodes of "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives" on Food Network since I moved back to Ontario, but it's also that adorable spiky hair , his sense of humour, and the thought of taking to the open road in his convertible and eating amazing food. He could also introduce me to real Mexican food since Taco Bell does not count (sorry guys, it's delicious, but it doesn't count). I bet he'd be blown away by my pulled pork!
            Raw stand-up, yet can be tamed for an Adam Sandler movie for kids- that's pretty much exactly who I am. I mean, he has the history of addiction and romantic entanglements that I do not, but that's neither here nor there. He's funny, he wears tiny pants, and that British accent again- am I right? I'm pretty sure any show that he star in would have to be on HBO. Imagine us bumping elbows with the cast of "True Blood," "Girls," or "Game of Thrones." Classy.
            Conan has the late night show I have always wanted. Of course, I'd do things a little differently. Conan would be my sidekick, we'd wear flannel pajamas, and every celebrity interview would take place in my bed. You're never watching Conan from a desk wearing heels after midnight (prove me wrong- pics, or it didn't happen). Celebrities would love coming to our show, getting to wear comfy pajamas, and just lounging in my bed. Conan, of course, would still have rocking hair. I would style my bangs exactly the same as his.
            "House." Stuart Little. "Fry and Laurie." Yet another hilarious Brit makes the list! My Monday nights just aren't the same without "House" and I can only imagine the shenanigans Hugh and I could get up to writing funny little sketches and walking around with canes saying terribly mean and sarcastic- but true- things.
            Alas, the only Canadian on my list! Seth is funny, sexy, and real. He can write and he can act. Most importantly, he can make his hair do that crazy, curly, messy thing. I wish we could go back in time and get Seth Rogen from Knocked Up, though. Health be damned, chubby Seth is where it's at. Maybe Guy and Nigella can fatten him up during the show. He and I would play hours of "You Know How I Know You're Gay" and our sitcom would be the hilarious true story of how we fall in love on a BFF show and get married in Vegas.
            I haven't worked out the logistics of the show quite yet. I mean, how will I get this show off the ground? Twitter is a great tool for reaching out to celebrities. I tweeted John Catucci of "You Gotta Eat Here" on Food Network last week and he actually responded. I felt super excited and he immediately became one of the alternates for my BFF show, along with Snoop Lion, The Lonely Island, and Lindsay Lohan (the girl seriously needs a straight-up BFF who will kick her ass and love her enough to put her in one of those serious rehab places- I could do that). Finding a celebrity BFF isn't all about the celebrity perks, you know. It's about finding a serious BFF and being real friends. Or, finding two celebrity BFFs and getting my own sitcom with my own not-so-celebrity friends as guest stars. I wouldn't forget about all of my favourite people just because I'd be hanging with my hilarious new BFFs. Oh yes, "Katie's Celebrity BFF" would be just the beginning.
            Who do you want as your celebrity BFF? Who would you vote for to be my celebrity BFF? Join the conversation here, on Facebook, or on Twitter- look to the right of this post to find the links!

© Katie Jolicoeur and Blackhearts & Raspberry Tarts, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material, written or visual, without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Katie Jolicoeur and Blackhearts & Raspberry Tarts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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