I'm one of those lucky kids who has
two moms. Sadly, it's not a fashionable lesbian couple like Ellen and Portia,
but a biological mother and an adoptive mother. They're both fabulous women who
are strong, intelligent, caring, and wonderful. Mother's Day is a holiday that
leaves with me two great women to be thankful for, both of whom have played a
huge part in the woman I am today. This special Mother's Day edition of
Snapshot Sunday is dedicated to the woman who has raised me from 16 days old
and she's the woman I call Mom.
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| Mom and I at afternoon tea in Niagara-on-the-Lake on my birthday, May 04, 2013 |
My mom is wonderful. All my friends
think she is adorable and hilarious- and they're not wrong. She's not always
intentionally hilarious. So often, it just slips out. It's not always what she
meant to say, but it's usually freakin' gold. In honour of Mother's Day, here
are just ten of the hilarious things my Mom has said and done that have brought
such joy. There are in no particular order because there's really no way to
rank the hilarity- just enjoy!
1. "I'm
the adult!"
This one Mom said to my
twenty-seven-year-old brother and I at Christmas. We were discussing sleeping
arrangements in her tiny one-bedroom apartment and Brother and I wanted her to
sleep in her own bed and not on the pull-out couch. She exclaimed, "I'm
the adult!" in an attempt to win the debate. Well, Brother and I lost it.
She tried to clarify by telling us, "No, I mean it's my
apartment." It was too late. The hilarious damage was done. Even now, if
Mom asks me something I sometimes respond with, "Well, you're the
adult."
2. Birthday
flowers... from my cat?
I got a delivery on the morning of
my birthday. It was a beautiful bouquet of orange and yellow gerbera daisies-
signed from my cat. Mom played that coy, adorable, "I have no idea who could
have sent these!" before telling me the whole story of picking them out-
without the cat's assistance, of course. Adorable.
3. Her
obsession with "How's It Made"
Mom loves this TV show on Discovery
channel where they show viewers how various objects are made. It doesn't matter
if it's blueberry turnovers or Tiffany-style glass lamps, Mom cannot watch the
show without making sounds of awe. It's all, "Ha." "Hmm."
"Ooh!" "Neat!" She also wants to make sure that I don't
miss anything exciting, so she'll call my attention to the TV to ensure I see
how that Inuit snowshoe is laced with hide.
4. Food
Network colour commentary
Mom makes comments while watching
Food Network like it's her job. It's like watching football. "Ugh, I hate
cilantro!" "Pfft, you think that's eight cups of arugula?"
"Those potatoes look awfully lumpy!" "That portion is just too
large!"
5. "If it's
meant to be, it'll happen."
Also known as, "If you're meant
to get that job/puppy/dress on eBay auction, you'll get it." Infuriating,
because she also says, "If you want something, you have to ask for it/pray
for it/etc." There is no use explaining to her that these two ideas are
contradictory- and more importantly, they make sense to her. I smile and nod,
and Mom rolls her eyes because she knows I disagree. It's a thing we have.
6. The
Christmas Turkey
I did all the shopping for Christmas
dinner this year and I've never picked out a turkey before (I usually buy a
boneless turkey breast since I'm all about the white meat when it comes to
poultry). I asked Mom which one to buy and the following conversation ensued:
Mom: I've always bought a utility turkey.
Me: What's that?
Mom: Well, it's a turkey that might be missing a wing or a leg.
Me: You've been feeding us handi-capable turkeys? Do you think our turkeys were veterans?
Brother: I'm not comfortable eating turkey that had a limb amputated due to illness. Mom and I need to discuss the difference between frugality and cheapness.
Mom: *facepalm*
7. The Penguin
I
fell in love with penguins when I saw Billy Madison with Adam Sandler.
To this day, I still receive penguin-themed gifts (you'll remember the big,
round stuffed penguin that Brother gave me for my birthday this year!). If I
imitate the Adam Sandler "Penguin" voice, Mom belly laughs. I used
that voice to get pizza takeout back in high school. "Mom, the Penguin
wants pizza for dinner." And it worked. Mom still asks me to do that
voice- as recently as last week.
8. "South Park"
Do
you know who took Brother and I to see South Park: Bigger, Longer, &
Uncut in 1999? That's right. She
regretted the decision during the first musical number, entitled "Uncle
F**ka." She covered her eyes and Brother and I roared with laughter. She
was a great sport about it- and she loves Cartman so much. It was definitely
not her taste, but she took us, suffered in silence, and later told us that was
a terrible movie for her to take her children to see (I was about 16 and
Brother was about 13). It's a great memory.
9. Her interesting taste in TV
and movies
I'm
quite aware of my questionable taste in TV, movies, books, etc. I stick to
pretty neutral TV shows when trying to pick a show to watch with Mom. Mom is
different. She would really like us to watch a TV show together now and then.
Like the night she wanted us to watch some old west movie featuring Patrick
Duffy. Or the 8-DVD Christian love story set on the prairies. Or the finale of
"The Bachelor" even though she hadn't seen a single other episode
that season. Or the Hallmark TV movie that she watched through her fingers when
a man injured himself with an axe (it's not Saw- there's no
gore...sadly). We can agree on Food Network, "Jeopardy," and Seven
Brides for Seven Brothers. That's enough, isn't it?
10. "Katie, what's
___?"
I
love that now I get the opportunity to share my knowledge with Mom, as she did
when I was a kid. I'm teaching her different things than she taught me, though.
We were watching "The Talk" one day with guest Margaret Cho and a
word came up that Mom was not familiar with. She turned to me and asked,
"Katie, what's camel toe?" I died. And I explained it to her. And she
responded with, "That's terrible!" It was gold.
See?
I live with The Unintentional Comedienne. She has no idea how funny she can
truly be until we crack up. I'm so lucky to have a great relationship with Mom!
As tough as it can be to not have my own place right now, it's wonderful to get
to spend some time with Mom. She's certainly getting spoiled today and she
deserves every bit of it! Mom has already enjoyed a wonderful breakfast and now
we're watching Il Volo's concert DVD Il Volo Takes Flight. I'm going to
make a beautiful roast beef dinner and a tasty dessert later. It's the least I
can do for her- not only for raising me, but also for giving me tons to laugh
about.
Happy
Mother's Day to my favourite reader!
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